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Dark_Horizon_515
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Name: Andrew
Location: Pennsylvania, United States
Birthday: 8/12/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Vendetta Red, Kaizers Orchestra, Resistansen, Guitar, Bass, Bleach.
Expertise: Guitar, Bass, Music In General
Message: message me
AIM:  Kraz 3900
Member Since:
1/27/2004
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| So it's all over, and I'd rather not talk about it, since it only makes me sadder. Maybe it just hasn't sunken in yet, or maybe I've trained my emotions so that I don't get sad too well, because I can't seem to cry, even though I want to. I'm not sure how the days are going to go. They could be filled with a mixture of anger at myself, and depression from the situation. I could say more, but I might regret saying it, if I end up reading this. No one can be happy forever, and things can't be perfect all the time, but I just wish they could have been. I was truly happy, but I wonder, (I'm going to say it, because it won't matter anyhow) if last weekend wouldn't have happened, if things would be still good. Then again, appearently things were probably not "good" anyhow, however; I would have kept things as good no matter how much it effected me. All of that is done and over with now. I don't want to move on, but the factor of time forces me to. "I don't want to die, I just don't want to live life anymore." I relize this is an over statment, but right now that's how I feel. I devoted my life for this short time, to caring, understanding, and friendship. Once again, I have no one to give my true feelings to. It makes me wonder if I give too much. Then again, it's too late for that. I'm not sure which to say first, but I think this one will work first. I'm not writing this, in order to make anyone feel sorry, or to change any minds. On the other hand, I'm writing this out of fact that I feel I need to get it out. For this reason, if any of this make anyone mad, upset, or anything then I am sorry. Although it really doesn't matter because of that fact that this is what I believe, and the reader should not judge me or think little of me just because of me posting about this topic. This is me, and it's over, therefore I no longer need to be overly nice just to impress anyone, nor should I have in the first place. I tried to make everyone happy, yet it ended up making me sad in the end. That's how life works I guess. I will get over it, and I'm not mad at anyone. I guess it could be for the fact I put so much work into being a gentleman, and as nice and caring as I could be, but in the end, have it all backfire and end up alone once again. I have and will learn my lessons, gain knowledge, and become stronger from this all. Becoming stronger... is there a point where I will become to strong, and not beable to love anyone? Am I at that point now, when I've lost the only one I could truly say I loved, and cared f?or with all my heart, and not cry a single tear? If anyone reading this is now thinking, "Oh it's only been a month, stop bitching." or something to that extent. I really don't care. I get attached to people after awhile if they show me true caring and friendship. On the second thought. Yes, I did let desire get the best of me. It was the wrong choice of actions. Although nothing was done life altering which I am happy about, I would feel worse if it would have caused more problems. What's done is done, and what is, is. Nothing can change that now.
Once again, I wrote this not to please anyone, but to get my thought out of my mind.
I don't know if I'll be updating this ever again. I probably will, or maybe I'll make a new one to start off on the right foot. As some final thoughts...
The song Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Pasiley: I had a feeling I'd cry to this song for some reason.
The song Run from Snow Patrol: When I first heard it I had a weird feeling I'd end up crying to that song when I hear it at some point. I kinda figured it be about this day, but I didn't want to believe myself. Now I know why I had that feeling.
I don't know what to do, or where to go, or how to start from where I am.
A convo I had on Saturday:
Kraz 3900: i just feel bad
Kraz 3900: mainly cause
Kraz 3900: i'm thinking of all the things that can happen
Kraz 3900: like, i wouldn't be mad, or surprised if she left me
Kraz 3900: sure i'd be really sad
Kraz 3900: but i feel like i might just deserve it
I said it once, and I'll stand to it forever.
"Whatever makes you happy."
This is what you want. I will not be angry, nor will I ever treat you badly or ever hold you to anything. You were there for me when I needed you, I am eternaly your friend.
Andrew William Patrick Krasnansky
[Edit]
I'm not as strong as I thought.
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| The waiting is what kills me the most.
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| I don't know where Dani is, and she hasn't responed to any of my attemp of communication. It makes me alittle sad, and alittle worried. I hope everything is ok.
-Kraz-zarK-
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